


✷; Morii

by aiichirous (tenderfirstlove)



Category: Free!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad experiences, Boys In Love, Declarations Of Love, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Gen, Hook-Up, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Online Dating, Other, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Rare Relationships, Speed Dating, Unrequited Love, Verbal Humiliation, Violence, Work In Progress, joyful experiences, past polyamory, regular updates, shocking events
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-12 05:04:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10482705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenderfirstlove/pseuds/aiichirous
Summary: ❝ With every click of the shutter,you’re trying to press pause on your life.If only so you can feel a little more comfortable moving onliving in a world stuck on play. ❞





	1. *( a brand new machine… )

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Clementizzle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clementizzle/gifts), [FudgeFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FudgeFace/gifts).



> i would like to dedicate this work to Clementizzle and FudgeFace :((  
> I know i dont really know you two well but i always saw you lurking about when i posted somethign new :''''((  
> and whenever you guys commented or anything it made me feel more encouraged to write stuff !! so thanks !!  
> i'd also dedicate it to Masrrkan but i dont think i'm good enough to write anything as amazing as they do asdfghjkl;'

_·_

_·_

_·_

_They were good times. Fun with friends, road trips and school expeditions, conquering fears and relishing in bravery amongst the sea of uncertainty of the future. They were  lovely, they still are, remembered of so fondly by another and one's self... a fleeting memory of how life used to be like, yet so close to touching and breathing anew. In such a melancholic moment of nostalgia  what would you do ? What would you feel ? If not the  bright happiness of life which was breath'd into you when you arrived into the world ?_

  
_The joyous days of yesterday are done and dealt with all in past times. Even if the fear and excitement of adrenaline running throughout your veins remains, it'll still be at the the bottom of a drawer, in a photobook. Flashing with sepia  light with love and care drowning out and dusted out of it when you look at it and the wrinkles around your eyes tighten and heave into a  heavy shadow. As the grin on your face fades into a ghost of a smile._

  
  
_What shall we remain as when we are gone ? Old photographs captured in the moment on joy and playful-ness, whether a Polaroid or digital, shall it still have the same feel ? The same nostalgia and homage that is oh so close to our intertwined hearts ? What should we all do when we are nothing but dust and old faded  photos that one day our descendants will gaze upon and smile at the essence of the scene captured. The emotions it with holds...the fear,excitement,affection, charity, or atmosphere it'll carry around._

  
  
_Are we nowt  but the ghosts of our present self when we are gone ? Just floating around an already developed womb of the world, forever doomed to believe that we are always the remnants of quality over quantity  in the world of photographs, poster-ed onto walls and furniture as a constant reminder of how we'd feel in the moment captured._

  
_No, we are not. We are ourselves, and our story may not be told, however...The feeling captured, the atmosphere created by the homage'd photo will stick with the viewer of it, that heart-wrenching, hand-grasping awe of beauty which was laid out before their  eyes. We will remain....yes, but, no more than a fleeting feeling of a once ever-lasting, and invincible moment._


	2. *(chapter one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝ The summer wind will fade with us as we walk on the campus of the university, hand in hand and hearts closed to everyone apart from ourselves. You were mine, and i was yours, it was a simple unspoken rule amongst us. I treasured you, your smile, your affections and ill-advised decisions which spilled from your mouth and in-between your sharp glistening shark's teeth with questioning and conflicting tastes. I worshiped your body; from your head to your toes, and every time i saw a birthmark i kissed you in my dreams, knowing it'd never come true.. I wanted to give you the world but you had other plans. ❞

I had to be your shoulder to cry on when you fought, and yours mine when i was too stubborn to admit my own flaws to him. Although i really did love him, i was always vying for you only, i only wanted to be close with you, so when you decided to help me and befriend me somewhat...it made my heart flutter with feelings i'd never experienced before. but, i knew it was bad, and unjust, unfair to both of us and them too. I wanted to be glad for you, your success, your relationships, your everything but, i just couldn't, not deeply from the heart. I hated myself for it, i thought ' I must be pretty disgusting to be like this in front of him. He might hate me. I don't think i deserve his help anymore. Maybe i should just leave hi mi alone. ', unnecessary thoughts that ate me up bit by bit everyday until i broke it off with my partner, it was for the greater good, i was being too hard on myself and him too. I expected him to be just like you when i should've focused on his love and who he was instead of being envious of your lover. It was stupid of me, but, that's what love does to young fools, makes them more stupid and sad than before !

I did manage to wish you good tidings that guaranteed no envy nor self satisfaction, but only the benefits for you, but my heart still yearned to be with yours. I wanted to become your heart, your shield, your float, your everything. I couldn't deny my desire that burned me into dust along with my heart. I... couldn't forgive myself at first for having such lustful and sinful thoughts, i turned cold towards everyone, even you. Shutting out the ones who loved me the most.

But that kiss you and I shared ? At the other end of town ? Under the cover of the trees and cars , hidden from the eyes of the others ? My eyes saw the galaxies that night, i had touched the sun and kissed the moon, stars couldn't shine as bright as my smile after i ran off with a hasty apology, stumbling over my feet in a drunken haze before i managed to somehow go to my dorm and unlock the door, slamming it in the dead of the night and sliding down the other side until i caught my breath before touching my ground-grazed fingers to my lips and covering my fuming face.

The next day we didn't talk, and not after that one either. It went on like a zero-sum game for  two months as  you hid away our kiss like a middle-school-er who just got lended a  porn magazine from his  year-older friend, shoving it hastily under the  bed mattress and bringing it out at two am, flustered and shocked at how a real nude body looked like. It hurt me, it stung my eyes with tears, which blossomed into a waterfall. I hid that waterfall from you, behind the trees and cars and people bustling about and  living, i hid them well from you but not from others. 

 

Another party, you pushed me to the wall, angrily, i had never seen the look on your face. You were furious and  flustered, absolutely intent to keep me there. Half drunk and brokenhearted i tried to shove you away to no avail as  i felt tears springing to my eyes again, i slid to the floor before turning to my knees and throwing up on myself, you backed off and i took the  opportunity to run into the bathroom, pushing  through the crowd  in the house to make it to the sink and mirror.  I looked at how crap i looked, hair messy, dark circles under my eyes, fresh vomit, sweat, tears and snot running down my face. I took off my shirt and wiped my face off, after shoving it to the floor and washing my face with cold water before drying it off with the towel tossed into the dry bathtub. I knew that in that moment i'd never want you to be see me ever again, if only a  glance was to be shared between us, but nothing more. I escaped through the window with my shirt and went back to the only place i knew- the dorms. 

I rid myself of my clothes apart from my underwear as i took a bottle of whatever alcohol we had stashed away secretly and  chugged it half way to my bunk before i tripped and blacked out  on the fall. In the morning i had a head-splitting ache  that made me toss and turn in the sheets. I hesitated to move again as i felt a body press against mine, with panic set in i quickly sat up, clutching my head as i winced. 

You. You found me, and placed me, and cleaned me up and made sure i didn't choke on my vomit and die like a real dumb-ass. You, who was furious with me and looked as if you were about to tear me to shreds, the same  you who hasn't been talking to me in about two months. The one who i hated and loved and  owed so much more to. I left the bed, only to stumble into a wall and fall, and staying still until i felt like i could move again without the room spinning and light gouging my eyes. But you picked me up and put me back into bed, my voice and tongue hurt, i probably  looked like shit but you stayed there, looking right at me. Only me, and no one else. And when i was about to fall victim to sleep again, i closed my eyes, but my ears picked up on the regret in your  voice when you whispered softly into your hands, ' I was a fool to chose him '. 

I couldn't believe it, but i still pretended to sleep until you'd gone away, and when i was sure you weren't around i crept out and  got myself looking presentable, and not like a hungover idiot, taking some of he painkillers you left and drinking all the water desperately, i put on my shoes and left, hoping that you wouldn't find me again and tell me what i wasn't supposed to hear. I only wanted to see you in the hallways, only glances, nothing else, i wanted you to sink and drift away, to crumble and  for me to build up my wall again.

But i saw you alone after practice and  saw you with your head in your hands, silently crying as your back heaved itself up and down with tremendous force, i knew he broke your heart, a  feeling i've felt before suddenly came back. A pain and ache clenching at my heart as i saw you and i couldn't resist going closer to comfort you, you tugged me close and  i remained there obediently For the first time in a while i felt like we were close again, like i could breathe and was no longer forced to be underwater where sound  was distorted and vision was blurry. And i joined in with your sobbing, hugging you closer and  patting your head as you could only cry, defeated.

Your brown hair, steady green eyes, your jawline, your chiseled nose and blank face transformed into and artwork of emotion before me, your eyes were teary and your hair was slicked back with water, your skin smelling of chlorine and  your jaws trembled between the nape of my neck as i stood before you, being your support, your shield, your heart, your everything. The sunlight hit you just right and  i thought you were an angel for the longest time as  i comforted you with silence  only  as a backup. When you looked up at me with those tired eyes,i couldn't help but smile and kiss your forehead before pulling away and studying your face closer, you looked like a mess, and i feared that i'd let myself slip away and take advantage of this for a second before  i decided to  just be a friend for the moment.

The rest of the day seemed like a blur from there, and all i could try and remeber was the feeling in the moment i woke up next to you, both of us smelling  like cheap alcohol and a brand of cigarettes we'd both never touch, seeing your face in the  moonlight, i touched your cheeks and cradled your face in my hands, my face facing yours. My eyes darting across your canvas, trying to remember every detail i could get my eyes to feast on, whether it was your closed fluttering eyes, the creased brows which knit together every so often, of the messy bed hair you manage to accumulate,  i could remember it all, engraved in my mind. For a moment i forgot the world existed and i allowed myself to believe that you loved me as i loved you, deeply, passionately and yet still so innocently, but i don't know about anything since i'm just a fool, because the moment i'd really believed that it must have been false.

I could help but kiss you softly in the end, i don't know what made me do it, the aftermath of the all the alcohol i had, or maybe  just being half-asleep, but i drifted back asleep soon after, closer to your body than before, and when i awoke once again in the morning, the sun poking at my cheeks and eyes to get me up while you slept through it like a bear during winter, i tried to wake you, gently swaying your shoulder back and forth until you let out a grumble and i let you be, so i let you rest til the birds chirped and the sun was high in the sky, never being bored of simply waiting for your eyes to open.

I didn't know if you still cared about that kiss from months ago, or if you cared about me, nor  if you can remember what happened that day, but i swear that i will continue to love you more than i have before for sure, because even before you, the others didn't manage to be this close to my heart as you ever did. 

So i'll keep you close to my heart and cherish you forevermore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot about this because i had so much shit going on in my life but i just want to finish all my projects and stuff (which include re-writing a lot of fics and posting some new ones which are 100% finished and are drafted)
> 
> so i have my finals in about a months and this is what i'm doing for fun. i also though i could use my creative writing skills to good use. tbh i havent seen free in like 30 years so everyone is super ooc and shit but (insert guess ill die meme)

**Author's Note:**

> *title, summary and concept from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1asBOCAmgaw  
> 


End file.
